Thursday, April 17, 2008

Ek Gaun Mein

`Ek Gaoun Mein

Disclaimer: This post is an out and out rant.I strongly advice people to read this with the same mindset of a rediff article.More importantly convert the comments section into a war zone with rediff message board like venom.

My present team at work is truly multi cultural.The team is a mixof funny Kiwi manager,a hot Latin american tester,hard drinking Irish co worker,battalion of chineese guys and gals,A british guy with an Indian girlfriend(Its really hard to find a true blue aussie here).As in any team in an IT set up, Indians far outnumber other nationalities here.Thats where my problem started.

One fine day when I was having lunch with my team members(which contained predominantly of non indians) one of my team member who happened to be from India started a casual talk and asked me Kaisey hu? in hindi.

I gave him a polite smile and didn't want to continue a conversation in a language that nobody in that hall understood.

But he persisted. IndhiPaiyan(again): Kaisey hu yaar?Me: Fine dude.(polite smile)

By now most of the team members have finished their lunch and the group was dispersing.Indhipayan was not in a mood to let go.

IndhiPayan(DDLJ) : kal raath bahuth cold huana?
I couldn't stand any longer
Me :Amanda thayoli...
The guy wore a puzzled look.Then he asked"Hindi nai maalum?"(Don't you know hindi?) Me: No

DDLJ:Didn't you learn The Rashtrabasha in your school?

I couldn't even pass pratmic so I don't know about Rashtrabasha...

DDLJ:You tamilians are all stuborn people who don't want to learn the National language.

Me: Who said Hindi is the National Language?

DDLJ: Its there in the Indian constitution

The constitution does not have any section for National language.Hindi is just the official Language not the National Language.

DDLJ: What difference does it make?

Me: The diffence is that no one is bounded by constitution to learn Hindi.And most importantly Hindi is not the only language that is representative of India as per the constitution.There are about 12 other regional languages included as official language.

He was miffed at my ignorance and started blaming how south indians and tamilians in particular never want to learn hindi.

Now I do not have anything against hindi or people who learn hindi.I am not a linguistic chauvnist.I am not the type who profess that Tamil civilisation is the oldest and Lemuria was the heartland of tamils until Aryans invaded it(Thats another set of crap dished out by deluded Tamil insomniacs.)

But when confronted with such morons who think that everyone should learn hindi as it is the national language I had no choice but to sit down and give him one of the kutti kathais that Tamil Nadu and its politicians are famous for.

A man had two dogs - a big one and a small one. He wanted his dogs to go in and out of the house freely without him having to keep the house door open all the time. So he built two "trap doors" - one big trap door for the big dog and one small for the small dog. Neighbors who saw these two doors laughed at him and called him an idiot. Why put a big door and a small door? All that was needed was the big door. Both the big and the small dog could use it!

Your arguments for making Hindi the official or link language of India are as ridiculous as the need for a big door and a small door for the big dog and the small dog. You agree that English is needed for communication with the world, and every school in India teaches English after the fifth grade. Then you say that all of us should know Hindi also in order to communicate amongst ourselves within India. I ask, "Since every school in India teaches English, why can't it be our link language? Why do Tamils have to study English for communication with the world and Hindi for communications within India? Do we need a big door for the big dog and a small door for the small dog? I say, let the small dog use the big door too!"

Note: The above kutti kathai was first narrated by Annadurai during Anti Hindi Imposition agitation(not Anti hindi agitation as it is being propogated now).I heard it from my dad who was a student at that time and who was dragged into those riots enchanted by these clever kutti kathais.But now he is a staunch anti DMK person for that matter even anti ADMK.I am still puzzled as whom does he actually support.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Questions & Answer

The other day I happened to read the teachings of the guru Adi Shankarar.I was surprised to find a section of Q&A just like Hai Madhan or Arasu Bathilgal in cheap Tamil weeklies.

Then my friend Adatha Shankara came out with the following answers for the same questions.

1. Who is the clean person? - Udhaya(A friend who used to have all the mess boys in his pay roll to get the extra plate chicken.)

2. Who can be considered as a Guru?Abhishek Bacchan

3. Who is the real intelligent person?One who gets the raise even after missing all deadlines

4. What is poison? - A perfume

5. What is the most beneficial thing? - As of now a pay rise

6. What spoils the mind (madhi) and brings down its efficiency like an alocholic drink?
- You Tube

7. What causes cycle of birth and death? - Sex.Remember NTR's cause of death

9. Who is the bravest one? - Suruttai.For proposing on the last day of college.

10. What character makes one respectable? - Kanaga Appa Charachter in Karakattakaran

11. What is too deep to be known? - Namitha's Navel

12. What brings misery or worry? – Current cut during summer

14. What is in such a flux and so temporary like water drops on a lotus leaf? - My Stock Market returns

15. What is truth? - What Harbhajan Says

16. What is true happiness? - Jhonie walker on rocks

17. What is (comparable to) Hell? - Vomitting in TASMAC

18. What is Death? - No one knows

19. What activities should one resist from doing? - Forwarding chain mails(If you don't send u will die.Its absolutely true.It has happened to me)

20. Who can conquer the entire world? - George Bush

21. Who will be praised even by the celestial ones? - Sachin.As Cricket is religion in Inida and he is the god.

22. What kind of people cannot be put in the right course of life even by the mightier force?Me and Udhaya.(Our tutor Chinna kodangi(Mightier force) tried a lot)

23. Who is a deaf man? - Enga Thatha(My Grandpa)

24. What is a gift? - A leg side full toss dished out by Prem to Udhaya

25. What deserves pity? - Actor Senthil

26. Who can easily win the People? - In TamilNadu its Namitha or any other overweight heroine who has a tummy like Udhaya.

27. What should a man’s earnings be comprised of?A beach house,A ferrari.Tax free ofcourse

28. What should one protect? - The obvious.Put on a box mate.

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